Divorce can be a tricky thing. It is never easy. Sometimes it is a mistake, other times it is the best decision one can make.
The dust is still settling, in a manner of speaking, from mine. I think this is the perfect time to take a step back and evaluate all the lessons I have learned through observation or painful experience. Those lessons, thoughts, and ideas I will place here. Perhaps, they will help others. Maybe they will just be insightful. More than likely, they will just be an amusing memoir. I am by no means an expert on relationships, but I would like to think that my bad experiences could have meaning... even if it is just a warning. This will also be a good way for me to remember these lessons so I do not make the same mistakes again. Please, God, do not let me be that dumb. :)
You had me hooked at the Heinlein quote. So many people claim "you can't really define love." But they're wrong. Heinlein defined it as well as I've ever heard it defined. I too put up with a one-sided marriage for years. Mostly, I put up with it for the kids. Until finally I realized I had wasted the prime of my life, and not really done my children any favors.
ReplyDeleteI'm a believer in unconditional love. But that doesn't mean I am capable of forever throwing my emotions into a black hole. Eventually, love was no longer enough. I put an end to it, and was surprised at how quickly the kids are recovering.
There was also an element of fearing to be alone. I have since found the error in that thinking as well. Loneliness can be painful, but never so bad as having the black hole sucking your emotions dry. I'd rather live alone (and probably will) for the rest of my natural life, than ever again experience that kind of relationship again.
Luckily you are young, and very intelligent, and seem to have learned a lot from your mistakes. Hopefully you can use that knowledge to form better relationships in the future. You have plenty of time left to try.
Mike Hess (from Facebook)
I have always liked the line "If I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone." by Stabbing Westward. You can love someone and be with them but have a feeling of dread and loneliness at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI was lucky that I didn't fear being alone. Often times I am happier alone (but that is because of a reason unrelated to love).
Luckily I truly believe that a person can be happy and fulfilled by other facets in life than having a 'romantic' partner.
It is good that you were able to get out and move on for your children. I grew up in a household where I wondered why my parents were married because they were unhappy. I was as young as three-four thinking this. Children see and know more than adults realize. This fueled me to file for divorce. I did not want my daughter to grow up wondering why her parents were married and her mom was in so much pain all the time.
I am young, but I am also keenly aware of my mortality. So I HOPE I have plenty of time, but in case I don't I am going to live every day to the fullest. :)