Lesson 9: Talk It Out and Listen!

"Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something." H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It seems like some of the most fundamental and obvious advice for any type of relationship- have open communication and actually listen. As obvious and straightforward as this is, it is incredible how few people actually follow this.
Everyone has their own ideas and feelings. It is not easy to put that aside to listen to another person. To keep a relationship from turning sour, this is exactly what you must do.
Yelling and screaming might give you a temporary release but it does too much damage to be worth anything. This is especially true if you have children who are witnessing these outbursts. This can seem impossible if you are one of those people who instantly react or have a short fuse. It will take practice and self-discipline but it can be done.
Even someone who is passive aggressive can benefit from a little self-discipline. When you become angry, even as those amplified thoughts are going through your head, figure out exactly why you are angry. Take some time to calm down and let the other person calm down as well. After you have reflected, go to the other person and talk it out. Give them time to listen and absorb and then do the same for them.
Many times fights are over the dumbest things. Often over reasons that seem silly in just a day or two. Nothing good can ever be gained by blowing up, calling someone names, or belittling someone's opinions and feelings. It is not effective to a relationship to chase someone down and scream at them. Nothing good will be gained by yelling at someone who has asked you to leave them alone. They will just come to resent you and whatever point you were trying to get across will be lost. Children learn in preschool to listen to others and calmly talk things out. Adults should be able to do this without having to take lessons from Ki-Lan (ok, that was a total mommy reference... it is a show on Nick Jr.).
Open communication is also key even for simple day to day things. A person does not have to be angry to shut another person off. Even when you feel lost or saddened by a partner or situation, you must talk it out and still be willing to listen.
You could be amazed at what open-communication could achieve. Of course, this only works if someone respects you. There is nothing you can do if the person refuses to listen to your side and they are family or coworkers. If this person is someone who claims to love you, try to make them see your perspective. Someone who refuses and keeps refusing to listen or respect you will just indicate that it is time to find another person who will.
"By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." Winston Churchill.
"Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree." Marian Wright Edelmann