Many of my friends have this joke that for any new guy that wants to date us, they have to go through a rigorous inspection: DNA sample, hair sample, fingerprints, copy of driver's license. This seems highly amusing and a lot of times we are quick to laugh it off. This is actually very important (your friends, not necessarily the DNA samples). Friends are very important in life. They are the ones we turn to when things are going well, when things are going horribly wrong, and everything in between.
When we first meet a new love or love interest, we understandably want our friends to like them. We praise this new person and talk them up to the heavens. One thing I would often do is leave out the bad parts. I didn't do this on purpose. I'm sure many people have often had the same problem: we overlook the bad parts in the beginning. I blew off certain faults and inconsistencies. I did not necessarily do this on purpose. I suffered from that horrible momentary insanity that comes with a new love- blinders. I did not truly see the bad parts or the things I really should have been on the look out for. I know many people who have also suffered from this problem.
This is where our friends come into play. Even though you might not want to hear anything bad about your new love, you must pay attention to your friends. I am sure that there are a few 'friends' that are actually secretly jealous and ready to sabotage you. I am not talking about them. I am talking about the true friends. The ones that will not only be your shoulder to cry on, but they will be the ones to show up to your door with shovel in hand to bury the bastard (male or female) that hurt you. These are the friends that will really be scrutinizing your new interest. You may have blinders on, but they will be looking for anything that might hurt you. Sometimes they will not say what they see. They do not want to hurt your feelings. They may worry that you will not listen or want to hear it. This is when it is most important to listen.
They may not always tell you in a direct fashion. You must be on the lookout for subtle clues. I now know that any future love interest I have must pass the friend test. I heard from nearly EVERYONE after my divorce that they did not like my husband and they could see the signs that he was just going to hurt me again and again. I know now I ignored the very subtle signs they were giving off. I am to blame for this. I allowed myself to be isolated (which should have been a clue in itself... but that's another lesson) so I could not hear my friends until it was too late. I paid attention to his family and friends. They started referring to me as their sister-in-law a few months into the relationship. I foolishly believed that meant that he was good for me, too. I didn't realize until later that my side was terrified that I would marry him.
I am not saying that your friends must like the person themselves. All I am saying is to just listen to the insights your friends may have towards your significant other or prospect and their thoughts on how good they will be to you. A true friend(s) will have your best interests and heart in mind. They do not want to see you cry or drink away the pain.
So... Lesson #2: Listen to your true friends. They will not steer you wrong. If you do happen to miss those clues or forget to ask, at least you'll have them there to help you pick up the pieces. I am so grateful that mine have been helping me. I promise to listen to you from now on :)
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