One of the biggest mistakes anyone can make going into a new relationship is to believe that this new person will hurt you the same way as your old love. No one wants to be punished or mistreated for crimes they did not commit (in this case, crimes of the heart). This will dissolve a relationship much like an acid.
This is one of the reasons waiting to heal before dating again is so important. Bad things happen to people but you are not doing yourself or anyone else any favors by punishing the new love. It is one thing to be cautious, it is whole other thing to become an unjustified jerk- male or female.
Moving on and letting go of past pain is essential to maintaining a healthy present or future relationship. This past hurtful relationship does not have to be days, weeks, or months old. I have seen and experienced people punishing their new loves over things that had happened years ago. They never took the time to deal with the pain or problems. Just never forget the pain or problems because you do not want to repeat them. Get to a place that you can truly be with a new person without the excess baggage dragging the both of you down.
This punishment is not necessarily just anger. It can be extreme jealousy, mistrust, over-sensitivity, or even lack of attachment (possibly other things, too). Jealousy I have already touched on in Lesson 7. Mistrust will lead to anger or the other person resenting you or always feeling down. A relationship cannot survive without trust. Over-sensitivity can be bad because it can lead to them feeling that they should not say anything for fear of a bad reaction. Lack of attachment because you are trying to protect your heart from further harm will end up with them wondering why you do not love them or why you cannot show your love.
Take time to heal before you start a new life with someone- not just with marriage, but any new relationship. Emotional baggage is normal, but the amount and what you do with it is what is important. If you find yourself doing this to your new partner, address it and try to fix it before it destroys the both of you. That is the dirty trick of nature- being able to forget physical pain over emotional pain. Just do not let your past pain keep causing new pain. Besides, the best revenge is being happy :)
Cold Cold Heart by Norah Jones (this song basically describes my last relationship... it was a staple in my playlist)
I tried so hard, my dear, to show that you're my every dream
Yet you're afraid that each thing I do, Is just some evil scheme
A memory from your lonesome past, Keeps us so far apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind, And melt your cold cold heart
Another love before my time, Made your heart sad and blue
And so my heart is paying now, For things I didn't do
In anger unkind words are said, That make the tear drops start
Why can't I free your doubtful mind, And melt your cold cold heart
There was a time when I believed, That you belonged to me
But now I know your heart is shackled to a memory
The more I learn to care for you, The more we drift apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind, And melt your cold cold heart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g35zS1tVO3o&feature=fvw
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment