I got a lot of advice during my divorce. Some people wanted me to drag him through the mud; others just wanted me to get what was fair and not be a pushover. Unfortunately, I fell into my usual routine of being too nice.
One of the most valuable things I learned was to look out for yourself. I literally gave him everything of value (minus some DVDs I had bought) trying to be the nice guy, hoping it would make him more reasonable, and hoping it would make him sign the papers without a fight. A person who was always selfish and mean most times is not going to be suddenly 'moved' by your acts of kindness. There were several days at a time that I did not even eat due to me having no money for food for myself because I was trying to save the too little child support I was getting for my daughter and bills. I should have listened to my countless friends and mother who insisted I see JAG for non-support of dependents.
I am by no means saying to be mean, but make sure you are not getting into a big financial hole by trying to placate the other. Do not be afraid to get what is truly owed to you. Do not give someone who was willing to make your life hell rewards. I will be kicking myself for years for not sticking up for myself and basically paying the abuser to sign the divorce papers. I do not wish that I had gotten everything or even been given a lot. I just wish that I had made sure that I would not continue to suffer for a long time after it is officially 'done'. I do not want anyone else to have to go through it, as well.
Sometimes it is in the best interest to just get out and settle quickly. Evaluate your best options. Just do not be a pushover.
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